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5th Aug, 2010

i can have a dark side too... i am my own worst nightmare

people always think i am a happy, carefree, optimistic person, and while this is mostly true, thats not all there is to me. 

im skinny, but i want to be less fat.  ironic how the only people that understand me are size 16.  its not that i want to be thin because i think my ribs hanging out will make me pretty, i want to be thin, i want to get rid of my fat, because i dont want to become my mother.  i want to be healthy.  i want to not have the gross layer of flab that makes my thighs wobble, and makes my belly stick out over the top of my jeans.  is it so wrong that i dont want to die from a chd?  or have a stroke?   fat is gross and makes me feel sick.  and i want to be lighter to be a good gymnast, and to be a good cheerleader when i go to uni. 

im full of myself, i think i am amazing, and inteligent and pretty and the best.  but i try not to be arrogant. 
i always want to be the best, i want to be better than you, and everyone else, i want to be the strongest, the cleverest, the most agile, the best at everything, and even if your my bestfriend, in my head im having a mental war against you to prove to myself that im the best still. 

im an obsessive, i will latch onto something and obsess about it to death, like bleach, and tim minchin, and then i get bored, and dont even think about the thing anymore. 

things have to be perfect.  i know what i want, and i get it.  even if it costs me. 

i think my boobs are big, but no one notices, so i think they are small, but then i realise, they are big for my size, but not for other peoples.  i want to show off my figure more, but i dont want to be a slut. 

it made me endlessly happy that someone picked up on something i have always thought about myself, but no one else seems to.  i wish people were a little jealous of me, but they probably arent.  i still imagine they are though. 

i read smutfic, but it only makes me feel lonely.  but i know i cant deal with a boyfriend.  i find kinks and fetish's interesting.  but i never tell anyone that.  cause i feel grossed out by them at the same time.  i feel ashamed that i like smutfic, and that i like slashfic.  but if you read enough, you realise they ae all exactly the same.  the same things happen in the same order, no matter who writes it.  i wanna try it myself, but i know i couldnt bring myself to actually have sex, hell i couldnt even let my boyfriend put his tongue in my mouth.  the last time that happened, i was 14.  and i have no idea if im a good kisser, or a shitty one, or what a good kiss is supposed to feel like.  i want a movie life, not reality. 

i get bored easily, i like the start and the end, but not the middle, i want elaborate cakes, but i dont want to make them, i want to eat all the time, but i dont want the extra weight.  i want to be settled into a very succesful life with all the things that i want, but i dont want to have to wait to get there, and i dont want to get rid of my youth.   
im bored of the people i hang with, i want new ones, im ready to move onto university stage, but i have another 2 years to go.  i want the 3 A's at a level, but i cant be bothered to work. 
i want to drink and be carefree, but i cant let go of my sense in case i kill myself.  i dont want to ruin my bladder, and drinking makes my asthma go.  i cant get off with anyone i want cause i dont know what they have been eating or doing.  i dont like to try new things because i dont know if they will kill me.  i like to stick with the things i know because they are safe. 
my entire mind is just one big game of tug of war. 
i am a mixture of a 6 year old, a 16 year old, and a 36 year old. 

i get invited to partys, but id rather stay at home and watch a film cause i know i would just end up running around after all the drunk kids, who disgust me, instead of talking to my friends online or watching things that make me smile. 

i am essentialy selfish and self centred. 

but thats just me, so take me or leave me. 

thats just my mind, i dont show this side of me.  i am my own worst nightmare.  this is my dark side.  i dont show it to anyone.  i keep my happy clappy personality on the front, because that is who i prefer to be.  and it is who i am, its not fake, i just have this small facet of my personality which i dont like, but is always there, when im alone.  i dont like to be alone.  i need to be saved from myself.  but at the same time, i need to be alone sometimes,  i need to let my slightly depressed broody, upset for no reason side shine through.  just not all the time.  i guess that why i like to write down my thoughts, cause i get to actually think this way.  then i can get it out of my system and be me again.  the me that i like,  that people know and love.

i guess im the sit at home and stay on my computer kinda girl. 

please dont hate me for my inside... 

29th Jul, 2010

my lifes goals

to learn
muay thai hand to hand combat
ninjitsu (all to highest standard)
portugese (all fluently)
how to fight with 2 katana, for real. 

travel the world, especialy japan, america, australia, and the other languages i would speak

marry a man wih tattoos like Renji Abarai
marry a man with muscles like said person
who can spar with me
and who knows about politics and momey and stuff, so i dont have to worry about it

practice all disciplines daily

get rid of my allergies, eczema and most importantly asthma

oh yeah, and get a good job.

and cheerleading. 
and snowboarding. 
and fencing, but i would wear a black suit for fun.
and learn how to massage, and force said husband to also do so. 
as well as learning to play the piano and flute, and one other classical type instrument.
and then how to coach half of disciplines

and i will have to learn them all pretty quick, else by the time i can do them all, i will be to old to use them.

14th Jul, 2010

the sun always shines on TV...

you know what they say is true,
blink twice and your 42,
or in my case, blink twice and your sixteen, not twelve,
and the people you thought loved you have dissapeared,
slipped away,
and you didnt even see it.

and it hurts but its true,
you realize that not only do they have new friends,
but you do to.
but i will still always love you, even if we dont ever talk.

im getting an Ipod. i have finaly decided to buy into the apple industry, which both discusts and excites me.  they are the best, and compared to my current MP3, a bright yellow ipod nano will be heaven.  well, any mp3 would be haeven considering my little bean (ironic, i know)  is well and truly past its sell by date, and its use by date.  there is a massive chunk missing from the screen, which hurts when you catch it, so it has a plaster on, the click pad thing has fallen off, so i have a joystick type thing to change tracks, and even then it goes wrong, plus it has a sole GB of data storage, compared to the 16 i will have.  the only problem is, i dont know what to have engraved on the back,,
i have a massive list, most are from gothic archies songs, some i have made up, at the mo, its looking like either 'the sun always shines on TV' ,, 'smile, always the best disguise' ,,'everythings yours to steal if you just smile' or 'you'll never be pretty untill you smile'

what do you think?

or maybe 'sunshine, on my window, makes me happy'

either way, im off to watch toy story 2, and anyways, i have at least 6 weeks till i can get my ipod.


p.s, lauren, i love your posts, they make me smile :)

3rd May, 2010

dont worry baby, everything will turn out alright

comptine d'un autre ete, aores midi... the one tune that makes me totaly relax.

i have realised that i have been ranting a lot lately.  and im having a lot more downer days than i used to. and my optimism seems to be diminshing.  and im a lot more angry or depressed or upset than i used to be too.  and it seems to me that my friends are slipping away from me, i sit there at lunch, and people just live around me, and dont seem to be interested in involving me.  people are busy with their boyfriends or new friends, but i seem to be leaving myself on the bench, left out.  although me and alex 'dave' stringer are getting closer.  and as ever luis is always there for me.  and juliette.  and Katie.  and Maddy. 

but i want to be happy again, and i want to be loved again, and i want to fit in with my friends again.  i miss you guys, even if you dont miss me.  and now i have a load of french work to do, so ima do it ;) ciao


I'm sittin' here all by myself
just tryin' to think of something to do
Tryin' to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out
'cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
will just kill me if I'm on my own

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back

I know it's not the smartest thing to do
we just can't seem to get it right
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight
One more chance tonight

I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won't you take my hand
we've got nothing left to prove

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

And I didn't mean to meet you then
we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills
the way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did
Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did

25th Mar, 2010

better to be hated, than love love loved for what you're not

soo, 6 days ago, 3 weeks and one day after it started, my relationship with joesph ended.  i broke up with him, because i totaly didnt want to be in a relationship anymore,  and because i felt totaly trapped, and smothered.  and he just generaly pissed me off

it could have been love, but its over now

and im glad, im free again, i get to see everyone again, instead of just joseph.  i feel happier, towards the end, i really hated it.  but i genuinly did enjoy the first two weeks.  but its over, and im glad. 

and now, im starting my crazy beastly work work work part of my education, every subject now has a folder, with target grades, and revision materials, and everything else i need, so i just pack te 4 correct folders + my general folder, and im all set, and my bag is neat. 

but i still need new revision guides,, for science, anglish and PE, but i will make my daddy buy me them :) 

aaand, its easterrrrr :):):) wahooo, ima go to Devon, to the place we used to go, and the nostalgia will be incredible.

and then i may be going to scotland, but im not sure i want too, what with working hard, and gymnastics and all, but i really want to see Fi, and everyone else,, i dunno, i shall think about it. 

and i have discovered marina and the diamonds, i love love love them.  a lot.

anyhoo, i got a new book of book, volume 4-ish, so i will pros right in that more than here.

if you goona be a square you ainta gonna go no where
hey mambo, mambo italiano, gogogo you mixed up sicily....

p.s  ima do a dance to NINE's be italian, with james and some other kids. 
and it will be incredibbleeee.

5th Mar, 2010

blossom of snow may you bloom and grow, bloom and grow forever,

So, my mommy knows, and she is just as excited as me, i swear she sonly six too :P

and we have our first date on monday, and i get to meet his parents, cause they are taking us, but in order to eat AND watch a film, we gonna have to leave at like 4.  he is taking me to Zizzi's in town, and to see Alice in Wonderland (tim burtons version) which could be fun :)
but at the same time im really scared, i dunno if i can stand him allll day monday! 

but alice in wonderland should be good, i rather likes jonny depp, but he is ginger in it :P

and gymnastics was wickk today, i reckon its cause i started drinking my green power smoothies again :P gives me tonnnees of energy :P  i wont even need to buy caffiene soon :P 

and im going to Vic's tomorrow, to watch dirty dancing, cats and moulin rouge, whilst eating square slice and crap and drinking orangina and green power smoothie :P

could be a good afternoon :)

fifi xx

(no subject)

so apparently joseph was bragging about sleeping with someone in barbados, and i dont know if i should be bothered, cause he knew i liked him, but we werent going out, and i dont know if i should confront him about it .eurgh day 2 of the relationship and im more confused than ever!

and apparently everyone is taling bout us.  everyone knows, its crazy.  which means the pressure will start soon,, cause other people are like that, but im not, im not the sort to kiss easily, thats not what i do, or how i act,, and im worried people are gonna expect us to do that, and i want to kiss him, but i dont know, i just dont know.

and i totaly dont know how he feels, about anything.  sept that he likes me :P

2nd Mar, 2010

stars fade, but i linger on dear, still craving your kiss,

nothings changed.  much.

but thats good right?  i guess it means we havent changed just cause we are 'together' now. 

break was awkward.  neither of us really spoke to each other.  but thats normal too, right?  its always awkward at the start.

thing is though, it totaly terrifies me, this whole 'relationship' thing, im totaly new to it, the closest ive come to real boyfriend, was my friend theo, who i got off with every week cause i had nothing better to do.  and its all new, new things scare me,

'a whole new world, a dazzling place i never knew
but when im way up here
its crystal clear
that now im in a whole new world with you'

we are better alone,  when its just us.  when we are with my friends its cool too, but when we are with his friends, its strange.  i guess its cause everyone im really friends with knows about us, but his mates dont.  you know? 

'and when i touch you i feel happy inside,
its such a feeling that my love, i cant hide, i cant hide, i cant hide,
yeah you, got that something,
i think you'll understand
when i feel that something,
i want to hld your hand'

but hes facebook officialed it, and now i feel like i should too, but my mommy has my facebook, and i dont know how to tell her, and i want to tell her before i facebook official it, but then i think it might be easier if i facebook it first, but then she might get annoyed cause i facebooked it first, like before telling her.  im so confused!

they should make a 'what to do when you first go out with someone' guide.  that tells you exactly whats normal to feel, and whats normal to do.

but we arent exactly 2 normal people.  im worried people are gonna pressure us to get off all the time and have sex in a week.  i cant have sex for like 3 months after ive been with someone, i odnt know why, thats just my rule at the min, its like lane in gilmore girls, but zach had to wait till marriage.  and dean didnt have sex with rory for the entire time they went out, they waited till dean was married.  to someone else.

hmm, maybe not that one, but i dont want to wait to get married, i think sex is a big part of a relationship, and if it sucks, you dont want to be tied down to that person, but if you really like them, it shouldnt matter right?  eurgh, its soo confusing!

'so sally can wait, she knows its too late as were walking on by
your souls slides away, but dont look back in anger, i heard you say'

i had a dream about our first kiss last night.  we were at school with kathleen and amie and that lot, but joe and me were just talking to each other, and then i was behind him or something, and like leaning on his shoulder or something i think, and he had his hand on my face and we just got closer and closer untill we were kissing, and nobody in the group seemed to care. 

the first kiss, when does that one happen?

the first hand holding, when does that happen?

most people have boyfriends in like year 6 that they can find all these things out from, i never had that.

and even though he said its fine till im ready to not have sex, what if he gets impatient?  like micheal does with mia in princess diaries. 

what if i want to, but i feel i cant cause of what my mom might say, ive promised to tell her when i think im ready, but i just dont know. 

part of me doesnt even want to have sex till im 17, cause i still feel like a 6 year old, and 16 seems to young, cause i seem so young, but 18 is too old, 17 just seems perfect. 

'if you need me to need you to fuck,
that fucks everything up'

but relationships arent perfect, are they?

i wish there was someone who could sit down with you and help with all these things, it feels too wierd with my mom, and too wierd with my friends.  there sould be realtionship coaches like thay have p.e coaches, who can explain these things like they would if you didnt get how to play football.  or like when we first played that one with a stick with a net and a ball, lacrosse, thats the one. 

i dont know what to dooo!

oh lordy, help mee.

and i had a dream that we were on the bis on monday, when he first cam back, but i was in the row in front of him, and he was at the back with lauren kruge and her friend, and he totaly ignored me, cause he was with her. 

and i know im just being paranoid, and that shes just his friend, but part of me feels like he totaly digs her, and not me. 

im just scared i guess.  scared of whats new, scared of whats not the same, what people think what people will say, what my parents will say. 

'i wanna talk tonight, until the morning light, bout how you saved my life, you and me see how we are, you and me see how we aree'

yours worriedly/confusedly/excitedly,,

FiFi xx

and i dont know how to tell liam, cause he is in love with me, and hates joseph....

why are things so hard?


1st Mar, 2010

till now, ive always got by on my own, i never really cared untill i met you (8)

hmm where to begin...

back in November i guess, was when my obsession started. when i realised i really really liked him... when he entered my mind and refused to leave.

Jesus, i already sound like a gushy teenage girl, well folks, if thats bad, it gets worse...

then a few days before valentines day, Joseph started badgering me about who i fancied, because of jess, but that parts another tale, anyways, joe was badgering me bout who i fancied, but i refused to tell him, till Valentines Day...

at which point i decided that if i didnt tell him, i would explode, so i did, at 3 in the morning, when i was awake because i had to travel to Italy (again, another tale) i sent him a simple text saying

'since its valentines day, and since ive finaly plucked up the courage, the guy i like is, well, you'

then i fell asleep.  but later, i got a rather lovely and simple text back, saying

'i like you too'

which made me rather happy :)

but then the knob decided to go and lose his phone.  what a knob.

but thats not what made me the happiest, what made me happiest was our partialy awkward partialy incredible partialy wierd conversation that took place earlier today, 1st march 2010,,

the majority of the time, when we chat, neither joey or me are serious, so when he said ' can i ask you a serious question' i knew something big was gonna happen...

he aksed me if i meant what i said in my text, and to any of you who know me well, youd know i was, so i told him, then came the awkward wierd incredible conversation,, which basicaly started by him asking me what i wanted from him in regards to a relationship,

so i stumbled all over my words (which is quite a feat when your typing) and said something along the lines of i want what hannah and ryan have got, but without the seeing each other 24/7 thing and somewhere i flung in an 'i love how things are, but i want more, but i canthave sex for aaages cause i cant, ya know'  and there was a 'i dont mind if people know' amongst other random shizzle, and by the end of it all, i was more confused about it than i was before. 

joseph decided he didnt know what hannah and ryan have, and didnt have a clue by what i meant by more, but neither do i.  he did say that sex wasnt an issue till im ready :)

he is so adorable. 

aaand, he invited me to go to his birthday thingybob, but i couldnt go

aaand he invited me to his dads fancy party thingo, which im rather excited about, even though its not untill like july or something.

and there was talk of zizzis in town, or pizza and steaakkk, we both like steak, it must be a sign ;)

so anyway, we are 'taking things slow' cause of my inexperience at anything daty or boy related.  and im not entirely sure if we are 'going out' or 'seeing each other' or something entirely different, but either way,,

i got me a maan i got me a man i got me a man *sings and does happy dance*

and the man i wanted :)

im so happy.  even if he is a knob the majority of the time. 

he makes me laugh, and hes so strong, and sweet when he wants to be, and he buys me things :)  and he reminds me of Emmet in twilight, hes huuge, but hes strong, and hes good to hug :)

really rather happy fifi xx

23rd Jan, 2010

i want to reconcile the violence in your heart, i want to recognise your beauty is not just a mask

im 16!! woo, i havent exercised any of my new rights though.

i have also gained an obsession with muuuse. firdt few weeks back at school have been pretty good, i loves all of my friends, specially the best one :)
and im going on contract sooon, but i dont know if i can get it on my account, or if i will have to get it on daddys, then have less pocket moneys, who knowss.

new years was pretty fun, looked after drunk people, including squidss this time, then got really annoyed at said drunk people as they crashed into hannahs room at ungodly times of the morning, then chump got annoyed at us for not getting up at stupid am, then ryan got angry at jess and me for sitting on a bed. which is hannahs bed, and not his :P

then was the birthday, and i went to see Sherlock Holmes avec the family,, then we went to chiquitos, or the other way round, either way, i had spare ribs and they were beatutttifullll, and i literaly attacked the plate, cause im a carnivoreeee, and i like steak and ribs. and tacos and spag bol and pretty much any other food stuffs available. except mushroooms. eeew.

and i have my science exams coming upp, but i think i will do ok, i got an A* in bio mock, and A's in physics (?!?!?! how?!?!) and chemistryyy :)

so not too bad :P

and its also burns night on monday, so im wearing my kilt to schoolys, and i will tell everyone its my religion and the scottish people will shoot me with a rifle if i dont wear it. cause they will.

i also neeeed a new book to read cause ive read every single book i have :(,, any recomendations?

and liam confessed his undying love for me, and has subsequently fallen out with me, cause him and joseph fell out, and for some reason that means im being really bitchy to liam, so even though hes talking to mannix again, he isnt talkign to me, other than to ask me where other people are, and then he was talking to vic whilst i was there, and vic really subtly went ' so are you two talking now, so i said ' yeah sortof' and he said nothing and walked off.

and i need a version of take on me without lyrics, cause im gettin a new floor routineee :):)

im so exciteddd

and now im watching Qi :) cause its hilariouss.

and some other bad news,, i recently found out that my cousin has a brain tumour. and we dont even find out what it is until next week, so owain is stuck in some horrendous limbo, and i hate feeling like there is nothing any one can do to help.

fi x

29th Dec, 2009

if i could only reach you, if i could make you smile, if i could only reach you..

merry christmas everybody :), a wee bit late, im sorry. new years in 3 days, then im 16 in 5 and a half.

christmas was ace! i went up to bonny scotland, to stirling where my pure awesome aunty spoilt me rotten for my birthday and christmas :) i rather love her. so, she bought me :

*a yellow rose ring
*4 hair grips
*pair of £5 leapord shoes
*long flowery top
*a black purse
*a 'mog' tshirt

which was all rather expensive.

then i got a pair of awesome skull candy headphonetic devices, which are brown and orange and beautiful, and brilliant. and a swatch watch, and:

yoga mat
lego 'stang
new gym leotard
my very own copy of twilight
an RPattz annual
a new moon calender
a sticky note compendium
a new moon mug
some sweets
some new thermals
a beautiful necklace
some accesorize gloves
some other gloves
6 pairs of socks
£10 credit ;)
a family WII
a huuuge family tellybox
a zebra print dressing gown
a teal coloured dress
and probably other things too :)

it then snowed on boxing day, and the day after, so we had to physicaly push the car out of the drive, with much drama to get home, then it was another torturous 6 hours to get home.
but boxing day, we went of to Frank Boutique, and boughted my prom dress, which was £70 and not in the sale, but the kind lady gave us a random discount, form her random discounterator, which brought the price down to £62.10 :) super.

it is soo beautiful, and im not showing it to anybody until prom :)
pah, as if that will last! ill probably force the next person who comes into my room to inspect it and its beauty! i lave it!!!!

and sole credit goes to my auntie, as she spotted it, for twas in the window, and she saw it and showed wee C, saying that is a wee FiFi dress. and sure enough it was. an expensive fifi dress. apparently, i can do black, unlike my auntie, and wee c. or so Fi says.

soo, i am rather looking forwards to new years, at the best freinds house, with mucho alcohol consumption, speaking of which, my aunt thinks im an alco. but im not, thats hannah. teehee.

aand, i have already been promised 3 kisses at midnight new years :)

then its the birthday, and plans for rowing bash are not going well at all, no one is available at the same time, or for definate or anything, so might just give that one a miss.

at least i have 2 definates for my school friends party, we are going to see nine in the cinema, and liam and leah are both deffo going, and i will drag hannah there if i have too, along with bella, probably their lovers, and hopefuly lucy W if she is back by then. and hopefuly a multitude of other peoples, but i have ofc forgotten some peoples,, oopsies.

then we go back to school, and all my coursework is due, so i best do that soonly.

18th Dec, 2009

get out of my mind!

why? why do i always fall for the wrong guy?

(no subject)

7 days till christmas, and i wont see my friends for 2 weeks! i dont even have some of their phone numbers, so i cant text anyone :( bad times mon amies, bad times. it also means that im 16 in 2 weeks, which is quite scary.i cant be 16, its just too wierd! only yesterday i was 12!

and there is something that i need to tell you, but youll laugh,
cause its stupid, but for some strange reason its true.

nothin much more to say, i seem to write it on paper nowadays, its easier, and faster. so, go read the book of book. speaking of which, i need a new one, hint hint ;)

alsoo, ill text everyone, when i get credit, about my birffday partay,, cinema to see...
sherlock holmes maybe?
st trinians?
new moon?
nine, nine looks good :) not 9, that looks stupit, but nine. the musical one :)

also, i owe my great santa fun run £20.

aalso, i adore this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_ohj99qeBA

and this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZ-8jYpa1-o&feature=related

and hannah bodycote ;)

and katie lewis, and a whole host of other people.

also, thanks to my amazing mommy, who took me out of school yesterday to go shopping in sheffield, you are made of 100% pure awesome, and i love you rather a lots.

thankyou to everyone who bought me presents, you guys are amazing, and im sory mine are a bit shit.

love from fi.

23rd Nov, 2009

Writer's Block: Twilight becomes you

Have you seen New Moon? If so, how do you think it compared to the book? Was it better or worse than Twilight? Please, no spoilers!

possible slight spoiler :/ sorry.

i sure have, and it was amazing! and it stayed so true to the book, the only thing i dont remember being in there is the volturi fight scene, i dont really remember if Edward goes at it that strong against them.
i also felt some tiny parts where missing, but i dont really remember them at the mo :/
compared to twilight the film, it was MAJORLY AMAZING!,, i love twilight the film, but it was waaay to serious, plus i hate kristen Stewart. new moon was funny, exciting, there was loaads of half naked guys, and it was serious too. the way a film should be, rather than deathly sombre the whole way through.

well thats what i thought :)

p.s. why is alice dressed like an old lady on the way to Volterra?

21st Nov, 2009

so, whats the use of going outside? its so depressing when people die in real life

wowowee, work is really piling up! i am actually glad we have retard club every wednesday, its helping :)
french mocks went ok, i thihnk, but probably went reallyyy crapily! they were soo hard! and we had english mocks, which werent too bad, but the 1st question was really vague, how was i supposed to know what they wanted from me?
but monday will definately be fun, i have an re mock, then my cancer jab, in DANCE of all lessons, then a PE mock, then a biology test! sucks much?
i need to know when my maths mock is :/ because i so totaly dont get maths at the moment! im going to ask miss D all of the things i need to revise for, so that i can my maths it all :)

on a lighter note, gymnastics is awesome atm :) i loves it, and im getting goood. only problem is, molly and molly are getting good too :/ but on the things i was worse at im catching up on them with :) i.e on beam i cando walkovers on the bench, so im only a little away from Molly D and a tiny amount away from molly jones, except their shoulders arent spags, so they can do walkover flick on bench on their own :/

and my yoga instructor thinks i might have that condo malanwalgjgwuiov thing that young athletes get in their knees a lot, because i have sore knees now.

and i really hurt my ankles at gym today, doing backflip pike bike summy, and landing funny. then i hurt it again on table vault :/
and i hurt my knees, again.

but all in all it was a good day :)

and my library books are 3 weeks overdue again :/ so im going to get my mommy maybe to go with me to town to take them backsies. because it will be all dark and scary like.

oooh, and i went to see new moon yesterday!!!

it was sooooo goooodddd!! i laved it! oopht, and the guyyss,s there is soo much hotness going on i nearly cried.

sso anyways, that was my quick update :)


17th Nov, 2009

so this is the new year...

''i cant go out with you, because im im a ... lesbian!''

oh shit, french mock tomorrow, which im totaly going to FAIL!! because i cant be bothered to find my little red books to revise :/ hmmm. will just have to wing it.

i rather enjoy gymnastics. i NEED to start filming though, for GCSE, show of my skills and all that jazz, 'sept i have to learn how to do an elbow stand! how queer, since elbow stands are acrobatics NOT gymnastics, and there IS a difference, but its hard to explain.

i would also like to say that i love lauren jones, and hannah bodycote and lucy winterton and various other persons, just because i do. i also rather like alcohols, but i dont have that too often, but i cant wait till crimbo-- champagne supernova in the words of oasis is whats going to happen.

i am off to dress shop (virtually) for crimbo :) any hints as to what style is or will be in fashion?

yours amazingly, vespa vendetta.

which is an awesome name!

23rd Sep, 2009

we dont have time for no monkey business...

when i first started posting to live journal,, i always had so much inspiration, found it soo easy to just set up and write.  i didnt need to think about what i was typing, i never got stuck, the words just flowed, effortlessley.  now i barely post once in 2 months, and everyone else much less.  where have the simple things gone? we are all to busy, moving on to the next phase when the old one takes a little to much effort for ease, but soon enough, the new phase gets dull even more quickly. 

an update of my life since italy:  i read about 500 books, i just really hurt my arm and shoulder, and consequently got felt up by mannix, who also undressed me, just to tell me that my arm is ill.  oh yeah, and im becoming a ninja,, code named Wing.  or Vespa,, im going towards Vespa, thoguh i do love Wing.  who knows!!

and panter is gonna teach me karate. 

and im baby sitting on saturday,, 3 kids and 4 cats,, but i am being payed for looking after 3 kids and 4 cats ;)  ill be in the big bucks :P

and im gonna have 4 kids.   Tarquin, Tallulah, Artemis and sergio.  and marry an italian, or an irish person,, but only if they have the guy who plays stuart alan jones' accent, coz its hawt.

and ive been to the cinema bout 50000 times, avec my bestyest friend hanahaaaahahaha, coz were in love.  and we always get 2 small pots of ben and jerries, [baked alaska obvs] and a packet of minstrels or m n m's and a coke.  we got a huuge one once, and it was huuuge.

and its laurens birthday sooon, her party will be fabbity fab, though i dunno what to get her for her birfday :/

and then theres the convention!!!

and the annual dinner dance.  and i need to get my dress taken in, coz its mommys.  and i just happened to be in love with the song thats playing.

''   we crossed paths for a reason, planets aligned in that particular season
its clear to me that we'll eventually be

ii love your existance, i cant get enough''

oh yeah, and im seriously into romance novels now,, so if anyone has any they recomend and lend, can i borrow them?

oooh, and HB and me arrr gonna see where the wild things are, coz she read it as a kiddy and rather loved it.  and i neeeed to get the boat that rocked, so we can see that tooo :)

and ive just realised i havent been with the saturday night randomers for aaages!  and i wont for ages, coz im fully booked for aaages.

and ive discovered mr men plasters. 

''one night in bangcock makes the tough man tumble''

oh hannah, we need to re-write all our songs, and like frame it,, coz ive completely forgotten them all :/

i llove you all.  and i want to learn how to play chess.


12th Sep, 2009

you're so fuckin' special,, i wish i was special

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out again
She's running out
She run run run run...
run... run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...


1st Sep, 2009

Writer's Block: Doh!

What is the dumbest thing you've ever done?
put a metal can inside a microwave, then turned it on :)

24th Aug, 2009

Writer's Block: Going Without

Have you ever fasted or done a cleanse?
yeah i have!  at the start of this holiday my mum and me did a detoxy thing and basicly ate vegetables and white meat.  :)

9th Aug, 2009

the italian job.

wow what a holiday! i think i have done just about everything there is to do. ever.
from the top, here is my list of stuff done in the grand old italy (and on the way to it)

* got frisked.
*took pictures of cloads and mountains, from above.
*walked. alot.
*cycled to a windy place
*ate. alot. of veryyyy nice food. and green leafy vegetables.
*read around 5 books, one of which was 700 pages long
*went all the way round the lake
nearly bought flourescent undies
attepted to eat ice cream, but failed.
saw 2 operas, the 2nd being waaaaaayyyyy better than the 1st.
went to the aphitheatre
bought jewelery that looked like smarties
bought a cheap and effective fan. less than 2 quid baby! plus i plan on spray painting it white for the volturi ball.
speaking of which, i bought a mask for it. white and child sized. perfect.
flew over my bike on a roundabout.
got war wounds =D
had a fight with a rock whilst canyoning, and got a chunk taken out of her finger.
looked like a teletuby
went canyoning
had a grown man latched on to me as i swam through said canyon.
got laughed at by an italian for reading a lot
discussed the difference between being 'english' and 'british'
played cards
didnt talk to a very hot guy
ogled a very hot guy
listened to how lancalot had an affair with the kings wife. from hot guys dad.
pressed a button on an elavator which wouldnt take me to the 4th floor. since there was no fourth floor.
saw somebody with outragoues dance moves, which reminded me of my aunty fiona, and a monkey.
went on rediculous rides in gardaland, fast track styley
drank a gallon of lemon soda. which is nice.
drank at least 1 glass of wine a day, normaly two.
tried lemoncello and spritz, the two local drinks, well lemoncello was a tourists drink, but it was still only made localy, and both were nasty.
cycled 25 miles, then
cycled up a mountain
saw a lot of redicluously fit old men overtake me on the way up said mountain.
ate gummy bears.
stole a cushion
went up a tower.
renamed a square, from 4th november square to piazza del happeningo.
watched a lady in gold
watched the tree gees
tried to see flamenco
heard a live brass band
heard many a street performer, including 2 accordianists, the 2nd one was millions better then the 1st.
saw a magician who was aweful and made wierd noises.
found out that thursdays are street entertainment day
ate some amazing pizzas, and some pizzas worse than schools.
learnt some lingo
got wolf whistled
got checked out
got chatted up by a drunk german. who may have been trying to sell me drugs too.
went on a midnight cruise and drank very nice bubly wine from a plastic cup.
went swimming
went swimming in an ice cold lake
went windsurfing!
ate lemon ice cream
discovered tenacious D
sat on a balcony at 1 am
got given the evils by a waitress for not finishing soup.
got the evils from the same waitress for wearing short shorts to dinner.
got told i was allergic to penis by the flight attendant. well, she said to the whole plain i was llergic to penis but its all the same.
bought aviators.
wore REAL ray bans. and have pics to prove it
walked barefoot
ate picnics
saw a lot of nice bodies
saw some nasty old fat ugly bodies.
managed to get my dad swimming. and that is an achievement.
ate wierd chocolate jelly.
and the list probably goes on.

good times, oh, and i nearly forgot,, i got a tan ;)

Writer's Block: Fantasy Sports

Imagine you manage a coven of baseball-playing vampires. The Cullen family is really strong this year and you want to bring in a ringer. Which currently active MLB baseball player do you sire?
i shall assume that everyone iknow is a major league baseball player, and shall therefore hire hannah bodycote, because she is wildly in love with the whole family, and because were going to a baseball party together.

8th Aug, 2009

Writer's Block: Two Truths and a Lie

Post two truths and a lie about yourself as an answer to Writer's Block. Have people guess which is the lie in the comments.
1. i love apple pie.
2. i find everything highly amusing.
3. i have a strong dislike for wrinkly fruits including dried peaches, raisins and prunes.

voila. take your pick, which are true and which is not?

23rd Jul, 2009

Writer's Block: Youthful Transgressions

What mistake made in your youth do you most regret now?
falling over on my drunken escapade! still fucking hurts.

the early bird erm, doesnt sleep?

good morning live journal :) i woke up at the bright hour of 6 am, and it was bright trust me.  it still is. weathers nice.

so for the past hour i have been, i suppose daydreaming is the term about 3 guys who im not sure if i fancy or not.  DAvid ogg being at the top of that list, with max angerer and will D. 

i really should stop reading twilight fanfic, everyone is alwaysin love, and im never in love.  well except once, and luis is portugese, so that sucks. 

i fancy a big bowl of rice crispies.  see ya.
Tags: ,

22nd Jul, 2009

Writer's Block: Total Eclipse of the Sun

Solar eclipses, like the one visible in India and across Southeast Asia today, have often inspired violence, fear, and superstition in the past. What do they signify to you?
erm, heroes. 

mmmmm milo ventimiglia..........

21st Jul, 2009

Writer's Block: Life of the Party

Do you know any party tricks that can impress a crowd? Or even just a little kid?
i used to just get down and do the slits.  now i have more decorum.

20th Jul, 2009

''want to stay the night? my mom makes awesome breakfasts'' ;)

well howdy do,,

i have joined the amazing thing that is fanfic! F.Nix is me username, coz i didnt want to use my real name, and i didnt want to use kay-cullen, because everyone has cullen, and it would seem retarded.  so i used Nix because i love Garth.  it makes sense if you know what im talking about :)  im planning on writing up my story onto fafic, even though its not a fanfic, its just a fic :/ oh well, maybe i can make it into my own series, and other people will write fanfics about it :)  doubtful.

anyhoo, im rather enjoying these fine holidays so far, and they have been VERY healthy so far, well except the weekend :/ hmmm.

firstof, im making and eating [welll, drinking] all of these juices, made from freshy weshy vegetables :) i loves them. proper thought i would hate them, but lo and behold, im actually addicted to something with avacado in! who's have thunk it, seeing as i hate avacado!

then there is all of these healthy lunches, the first one i had was a salad which was rather nasty! i reckon it would have been major, but mum but like a gallon of vinegar on it, and that made me want to puke.  so i put some chicken in some bread and munched away.  then i munched away on half a pot of ben and jerry's bake alaska ice creeeeeaaaammm, which was rather nice, and i did that whilst watching gilmore girls and chatting away to my best friend in the whooolee wide world, called hannah.  she ate the other half of the ice cream, and then we both felt fat.  but it was excelent, even though hannah cant read 'e's.  so anyways, now i have a pitta pretty much every day, with my special combo of the most retarded foods to put together.  well, the actual foods arent retarded, but together they are! but i love it.  it is:
1 can tuna in sunflower oil.
1 can sweeeetcorn
1 apple (gala or pink lady, gala preffs)
1 handful of spinach
1/2 carrot, grated.

then you shove it in a pot and mixy wixy it all up, its enough for 2/3 pitta's but i normaly only have 1. 

ooh, and invented a new meal! its called :  Pitta Bolognaise! can you guess what it is? no its not tuna pasta bake -.-

its bolognaisey sauce with the mince already in, shoved in a pitta!

good times bubz.

anyhoo, those juices really are major! i keep getting cravings for the turbo one :) its got avacodo, lime, cucumber, spinach, apples, pineapple, and thats about it i think.  and then theres the weekend breakfast smoothie, which is REALLY nice.  if you have ever had Adez, the purple one, it tastes exactly like that! =]  except nicer, and better for you, even if it has got bits from : blueberries, pineapple, yoghurt, honey :)  sounds nasty right? WRONG!!! its beautiful!  well, thats jsut the food side of my healthy regime!

i have also done quite a lot of exercise, but i havent started my gymnastics exercises yet, which is kinda sucky, but i will, and soon i will be doing them every day! woo.  atm, im cycling, swimming rowing running, etc.  and im loving it!  i actually managed to run all the way down and back up the tow path! i can never do that! plus i didnt get all asthmaticy!!  woooooooo!

on the down side, my ankle still really hurts! which is kinda sucky.  AND,, i found out yesterday, that i HAVE to do the majorly long triathlon, or NO triathlon at all! sucks angry donkey balls!.   

and on friday im going to scotland :) but only for like 4 days, then on wednesday.... i go to ITALY!!! unfortunatley not to volterra, but to lake garda, which is apparently AMAZING!!  so yeah, im kanda looking forwards to that big time.  =D

hmm, i have to go and make plans for the day ;) byeeee

13th Jul, 2009

(no subject)

well, i havent written in a while.   today i started my health regime.  i went for a run and had a healthy lunch, then i went shopping for lots of vegetable matter.  and later im going for a cycle and a swim.  then im doing my exercises.  which i still need to work out :/  good times.  and for the next two weeks, i will be de-toxing, which involves not eating anything really solid.  and a thing called 'ill wednesday' which you can work out for yourself.  and im looking forwards toooo james bond night :)  im gonna wear my awesome red chinesey dress that i was wearing at the end of year party.  well, thats me for now. i love you all. 

oh, hannah, you still coming over tomorrow (tuesday)?


11th Jul, 2009

Writer's Block: Lights Out

All it takes is a blackout to realize how much we rely on electricity. What's your most memorable story from a power outage?
my mum got very angry at grandad because he left a candle in a teacup outside my room through the night.

5th Jul, 2009

Writer's Block: Listen to This

If a friend asked you for some new music recommendations, what would you suggest?
anything pre 2000!=D  with the exception of all of hannah and my songs, :P

3rd Jul, 2009

i am undergoing severe internal and emotional termoil. sorry if i cry.


28th Jun, 2009

maybe ive been here before, ive seen this room, ive walked this floor...

''love is not a victory march, its a cold and its a broken hallelujah''

sometimes even severe optimists get upset.. like today.

its started of great, went to Abbie's sleepover yesterday, and we watched notting hill, which is hilarius, then we watched I Am Legend, which was scary, even though lauren disagrees.  and we had chinese, (i just had chicken balls and rice ;] ) and we had a great time, and i was dead comfy, then i went rowing in the morning, which was fun :) went in a single, and i havent been in a single in aaages, and i thought i would fall in, and james the cock said i would sink the boat, which was mean.  but i did ok, and my technique is improving :).  then i had some major shower, in the showers at rowing, which kinda sucked.  then i went into town to meet lauren, abbie, abbi, jess and sarah.  and they all wanted maccy D's, but i hate mcdonalds with a passion, so i said id get a spud, so i waited for them to finish then we walked off towards spudulike.  but on the escalator, lauren, abbie and abbi said they would go to accesorize.  by the time they got to spudulike, i had about 2 bites left, but instead of waiting, like i had for them, they took sarah and said they would meet jess and me in debenhams.  this is were it starts.  by the time jess and i got to debenhams, the other 4 had moved on, without calling us, so i got a bit annoyed, but thought , ok, well go to miss selfridge, without getting a chance to look at all the dresses, even though i love debenhams.  so we get to miss selfridges, and they are waiting for abbie to buy a top, so jess and me have a mooch, and look in the sale section, then we look around, and where are lauren, abbie, abbi and sarah? i had no idea.  yup, they had left us again.  so i got a bit more annoyed, and went to try on our stuff.  then i call the other group, and they are in topshop, on the other side of the shopping centre.  i love topshop too, so jess and i go over, and have a quick mooch whilst looking for them, but we cant see them, so i call them again.  ''oh, we are on the way to new look''  at this, i got fairly more annoyed.  but we went off to new look, chasing them again, even though i wanted to mooch some more in topshop.  so we go to new look, see them, have a mooch, then surprise surprise, when we look around for them again, they have gone, dissapeared.  so jess and i, both very annoyed (me more then her) just sat down on some display thing, then abbie vernon and sarah turn up, and said lauren wanted to go to shians, but lauren and abbi were no- where to be seen, so i said i needed a razor, so we stopped of at boots on the way to the train station, even though we had like 50 mins before the train left, and when we got down to the botton floor of debenhams, lauren mutters to abbie 'how long?'' well, im sorry, but i need to get things too, you cant just expect me to follow you around, not having fun, not even having time to look at things all day, because you couldnt wait for me to finish 2 bites of potato. 

and no doubt they will tell me i was being slow, and they arent going to wait around for me, but sorry, i waited for you!

anyways, rant over, i feel a bit better now too :) writing is such an aphrodesiac :) [i think thats the word :/ ]

im off to read my new books from the leicester library, which i well joined yesterday :)

fi xx

14th Jun, 2009

what now?

i did shit.  and now i have to decide what to do with my sports.  i really dont want to quite dancing, because i love it so much, and yet, i really want to becaome a better gymnast, i only just scraped third from last, out of 14.  people seem to have this impression that im a really good gymnast, but really, im just, not.  but do you know what the worst bit was,i was stood next to the person who won overall, and got a meddle in pretty much all the pieces, when she came back to the line, she rolled her eyes, as if it was some chore that she had to go and collect a meddle.  and what else was bad?  the 9 year olds were classed as 'in age'  9 is the age your supposed to be at level 4,, 9,, not 15!  my beam was shit.  i fell of 3 times, and wobbled on everything.  i thought my vault was ok, but apparently not. 
its difficult to see kids who ook about six doing difficult moves, which you know you will probably never be able to do, i used to be so good, i used to be one of those bouncy little 12 year olds.  then now look at me.  the only people i beat were people who had only just moved up.  to say that i am dissapointed would be lieng, im so much more.  crushed? yeah.  angry, but at myself, and is there a word for not sure what to do because you do to much, and you love it all, and you know that even though your 4th in the country at rowing, you know its because your with 7 amazing rowers, and your not there? if there is, im that too.      

so what do i do?

i wish this could be easy, i wish i dodnt love dance so much, i wish it wouldnt be letting everyone down, i wish i could just be amazing again, and i wish i had been put into competitions for the last three years so that maybe i could have been at this stage at the age of 12, with all of this time ahead of me to know what to work on, to give me the drive i need to get me somewhere. 

what i need to do is work harder, at everything, at sports, accademicaly.  i used to be brilliant at everything, then i got complacent, and now im just ok at most things.  and i hate it. 

first things first.  get my fitness level up.  go on long runs everyday.  at gymnastics get conditioning, get stroger.  train on tuesdays too, which would mean quitting dancing, but will that be to difficult? 

i need to sort out my attitude! i need to get working, and i cant just say that im hapy with what ive got any more!  i need to push myself, and make mr moore push me too! i need to be pushed, and even if i say i dont want to do it, i need someone to be there and slap me and say, hey, what do you think your doing? get back on there, i dont care if you dont want to, i dont care if your crying, i dont care if it means losing dancing, i dont care what your sorry ass excuse is, get back in there, and stop being so damm lazy!  i need to focus, and i need to do all that myslef, i cant expect people to do it for me, i need to give myself that slap, and that speach, and i need to do what i need to do!  i dont care that i might be a good gymnast, i need to be an amazing one, and i cant blame anyone but myself. 

but i cant expect anything more, i can just hope that this will be the kick up the arse i need to drive myself. 


abbie E,, why did yu send me a text saying you hated me?

''when all that youve tried leaves nothing but holes inside''

what i need to do is stand and deliver.

11th Jun, 2009


woooooaaoooah sweeeet child o'mine

4th Jun, 2009


oh yes.  they deserve the 't'.  i have spent the last few hours researching RPatzz, and Taylor Lautner!!  krikey, are they hot?? errm, id say yes.    i also threw in a pic of daniel craig, because hes quitw hottttt tooo.  i am happy.

31st May, 2009

i think logans hott. sorry.

well what a week.  didnt really do much, except watching gilmore girls.. i watched 2 series in 4 days, and there is 24 episodes per series.  i have started sewing  a top from my brothers old curtains, and i have started learning italian.

le statua de Garibaldi è in piazza vittoria.  or is it in via roma?

and yesterday was intensely amazing.  hopped on a train to lodon, which only had 2 working doors on the whole thing, so everyone had to get off, and loads of people then had to walk round to platform 3 to get on a diff train to londre.  but we got there like last, so by the time we were about to get on, it was chocka block full, so we were like, damm we gotta wait for ages now! but then there was an announcement that there would be another train, so then this guy got really angry and started shouting at the stewardy guy, about where it was, and it turns out everyone had to walk back round to platform 1.  then we finaly got to londre, and we got a picknicky thing from some place, and went to a park, and we all jumped over the fence like true londoners, well, mum climbed through it, but there you go.  twas fun.  then we went to see..........


with jode prenger, or whatever her last name was as oliver, and she was marvelo, rowan atkinson! (mr bean!!!) as fagin!!!, he was pretty dam smashing too, gwion, the welsh kidddd as oliver, he was fantastic! and the highlight for me......

you ready for this.....

Burn Gorman as bill syke!!!!  i was sooo excited about burn being in it!  i didnt even know he was in it, till i saw his name on the stars board!!! i was excited as a mouse!!!

anyway, the whole thing was better that ace, even though it was like 100 degrees in the place, you kinda got used to it, and we were about a mile away from the stage too.  but it was still marvy.

ok, here is a confession.  i cried my eyes out at gilmore girls the other day.  it was the end of season six.  and the end of java junkie (for now ;] ) aka, the end of luke and lauralai.  it was sooo sad.  i was fine till i went downstairs and told mum, then i just started crying, then i sttarted laughing whilst crying, which is an odd experience :/

and now (eeeew) shes with chris!! eugh, je deteste christophe!

but, logan is around, and even though he is a bit of a jerk, i find him incredibly attractive, and love him. 

oooh, and i got a phone!! its my brothers old one, and my old sim card, and i have no credit, but its a phone,, all to myself!!!

im sooo happy. 

even though i have to go and do tonnes of course work, and even though i didnt go and see angels and demons or star trek, or wolverine, and even though my friends didnt let me carry my towel around on towel day in honour of hitchhikers guide to the galaxy and douglas adams, its auther, and even though i had to go and see hannah montana, it has still been a good week. 

but im scared.  coz in exactly 2 weeks today, i have my gymnastics competition, and i am terrified!  i cant remember how to compete!

i dodnt even think my routines have enough moves in them!  im sooo screwed.

at least i get to see my bestyest mateys tomorrow, and lola jones, im lookin forwards to that pic you promised hannah and me :)


25th May, 2009

ianto, i could talk about your testicles all day...

im tired, and have to go into town in a few hours, then sleep over a laurens.  i think i will actually be sleeping, because i have had the busiest weekend, on friday i rowed a grand total of about 4000m, raced 2000m of those, had to wake up at half 7, and went to bed at 11.  on saturday, i rowed a grand total of 8000m, raced 4000m of those, had to wake up at 10, went to bed at 11.  sunday, woke up at 5, went to bed at 12, did a lot of shouting, and cheering, and then trying to cheer up the lads, then trying to convince little henry that actually, the lads quad should have won, but they didnt, because they were in the wrong final.  so all in al a good weekend, but a veerrryyyy tiring one, and i only watched half an epi of GG!!! i never only watch half an epi in a weekend anymore!!

oooh a mars bar.  of to watch more gilmore girls after my lack fo sleep.  toodles ;)

24th May, 2009

but can you do something out of this world?

main points:

* eating tonnes of flapjack
* got a great tan
*woke up at 5 this morning to go to nottingham for said tan, and to cheer on the lads
*bought a sports bra, and walked around in it all day yesterday
*rowed a total of 6000m at firm pressure, which i spainful
*used a rowing simulater, which was bizarro
* bought a national schools t-shirt on, with all the competitors names on, including s.padbury, s. padbury (theres 2!) c. mycock (no jokes.) and f. jones-gerrard ;)
*came 7th on friday in the 4
*came 4th!!! on saturday in the eight
*did better than the lads crew, who came 5th in their semifinal, we arent sure where overall though
*did i mention the tan??
*ate a lot of crap.   a lot!
*rode on a red bus whilst shouting " go leicester" at the top of my voice, therefore ruiining said voice.
*got shouldered in my chin!
*bought and didnt eat a jacket potato.
*rowed the best row ever in the 4,, waay better than we have ever rowed before.  it was great!

and muchos more,, off for a shower and a bbq! :)  fun times ;)

13th May, 2009

Writer's Block: Dream On

Do you ever have recurring dreams? If so, are they good dreams or nightmares?
i do indeed!  in fact, i had one last night.  it was quite good, i was in sheffield buying cheap choc choc.

i have had others but i can never remember them till i actually have the dream again.

10th May, 2009


well, i got back from shrewsberry, and i feel like shit because i got 3 hours sleep last nigth and 5 the night before, and i have been rowing all weekend, so ill tell you all about it tomorrow.  it was great fun, except for the whole no sleep thing :P

7th May, 2009

it was a chat-up line built not to impress

well, long time no speak!  i guess i have been writing o paper more than on the computer, so thats why you never see me ;)

i have started writing a short story for kids.  except if it truly is for kids, im gonna have to change most of the 2nd part of the 1st section.  its not smutty or anything, its just that a runaway convict isnt really the right thing to write about in a kids story,  especialy as said convict gets all their charges dropped because they become a ukulele playing police bear's pet. 

anyhoo, you can read it when ive finished it, which could take a while.  maybe i will get it published!!  that would be fun.  Lola, will you do the cover art for me? 

its nothing special, well some will have mroe of a meaning to hamstring than other bits to other people, because it just will. 
and btw hannah, im not trying to say you are a gian african snail runaway convict. 

ok, i have an as level bio revision guide, but no GCSE guide?!?! what is wrong with the world?  oh right, we dont live on clouds, and animals arent super fluffy and cute.  thats whats wrong. 

night night everyone, i love oyu all. 

4th May, 2009

even the best fall down sometimes, even the wrong words seem to rhyme

welllll well well, what have we here?

im sorry ive not posted in such a long while, especially as i did rant about how nobody ever posted anymore.....

my gilmore girls box set finaly arrived!! and tis sooo pretty :)  its in this pink velour box, with gold card inside, and this card outer thing, its awesome, and its mot in chinese!!


''but if we hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light...''

well, ive had a great weekend,,, well, except gymnastics, where i did not do as well as normal,, which sucks, since im not going this weekend, due to the fact that i will be in shrewsbury, and i have recently found out i will be spending saturday night with a load of drunks, and a druggy.  great stuff. 

ive only just realised (which is surprising) that i dont really like spending time with georgia.  the majority of the time, she is accusing me of being a lesbian, and she seems to bring it up at every oppurtunity, even though, she knows as well as i do, that i am not. 

''try and use a mirror, no bullet or a knife''

so anyway.. the weekend,,   went round to hannahs after gym :)  watched gilmore girls whilst she spent a year drying her hair :P

then i met her terrapins, who are well cute ;)  and her hedgehog, who we kept calling a hamster, and the hedgehamster has no name :/

then i stole her david tennant picc that is SIGNED by him!!  and ran around her house, but she eventully caught me and took it back :(

then i stole it again;)

and i nosed through her entire book/film collection, and we have decided that i need a week of pure filmage, because i have not seen some that i should have,, which is quite a lot of films. 

then we went to see this xma stuff ( extreme marshal arts?)  ((i mean martial))
and it was incredibal!! i just sat there with my mouth hanging open, and got my ego wounded.  yup, it was scary at a
times, i thought i was gonna get my head kicked off, by a lot of them :/  and i also thought that they were amazing, and unfairly good at backflips and back summys :(

then i was gonna go home, but i called home, and was just like, ill just stay here, and it wasnt like everyone thoiught i would be, my mum thought i would, and so did hannahs mum,, so from now on, im just gonna leave my clothes there.  in case. 

then i went rowing :/  which was ok actually,, we just messed around a bit, coz dave cunnold was being a nardy mob!

went home, looked at our new wardrobe, watched gg, then i went to babington, to go do my solo :)  which i screwed up, i wobbled all over the place, and it looked slopppppyyyy.  i panicked, but compared to my last time i did it,, i was calm.  so next time, it should be better :)

fionas list of hannah and fionas songs.

*holes inside - joe brooks
*cannonball - damien rice
*moving to new york - the wombats
*tell me soon - rooney
*stand and deliver - adam ant

and theres more, but ive forgotten again :(

oooh, there might be cake downstairs!!


30th Apr, 2009

Writer's Block: Swine Times

Are you worried about catching the swine flu? Do you have a plan for avoiding contagion or dealing with quarantine?
I AM TERRIFIED!!!  plus, i have some symptoms :/ 
however, if i am quarentined, i plan on taking my entire book collection, plus my phone, which i would make dad put £50 credit on and my laptop.  to stay sane.  oh and my sleep mask!  and my pointe shoes, and joint supports.  so i can stay active :P


28th Apr, 2009

Writer's Block: Wild Life

How long could you survive on your own in the wild?
5 minutes.  or less

27th Apr, 2009

but she kept trying to pour lemonade in my beer...

is anyone else really TERRIFIED of swine flu?!?!

it is now officially in the uk.  2 people brought it over, and they infected 22 other people.  who in turn could have infected another 22 each!  that's 484 people!  who could all have infected 22 other people each, which is10684!! so in the space of a week swine flu cases in the uk could have grown to 10684!!

but apparently they have contained it to the 22, so no need to get worried.  also, it is still only in scotland.  also those 22 are gettign better.  and there is drugs readily available if it does hit england.  and in the words of my awesome friend ''we will cross that bridge when we reach it.''  there is no point worrying about it, coz  it isnt going to help anyone, and theres also no point worrying till it really strikes nearer to here. 

but i cant help worrying, what with being asthmatic and all, what it woulddo to me :/  i mean a tiny cld set me off so that i couldnt breathe AT ALL for 3/4 days.  a tiny cold!

sorry if i have worried everyone :/  but i got panicked and had to write it down :/

sorry again.

you will never meet a xylaphone player

i played cards today :) and wrote about a trillion lists!!! 

mainly during french, coz we had a supply teacher and we totaly did most of the work too!!!

anyways, thats enough of my day, this is for hannah.



bring on the sun :)


even milo digs the ninja-ness
biblical, tv/ heroes; peter+sylar
people/ milo; long hair
film/ twilight; this sucks
people/ kellan lutz; *strip*<-- you touched his bum ;)
your number 9 ;)
numero 8 ;)
i dont know why he is your number 7, he has a wierd piece of facial hair :/
totaly going to see him in star trek ;) with my mum :)
your number 5


ooph and phwoar! should be number 2!
 quite cute... but not as cute as....

 guess what you did to his bum?!?!?!

and of course.... he is all yours....

 all for you!




because you have a thing wih suits ;)

if i missed anyone for you hannah, ill add them as sooon as you tell me!

hope this cheers you up from your voldermort-less blues.

i love youuu!

''all we've got's this sunny afternoon...''

oh, and for your reading pleasures...


its quite long but i hope its good :)

loovee youuu!

26th Apr, 2009

im gonna start a new craze. yoyo's.

list of really wierd things.

1.  the word oi...

2.  the word poodle...

2.  seven brides for seven brothers.  trust me, its bizarre.  and very negative and derrogitory towards women.

3. 5th element.  watched it at aunti fi's one time.  had noooo idea what was going on.

4.  my auntie.  crazy ladie.  love her loads

5.  spiders.  have you seen them walk? its wierd!

6.  these damm lists i cant stop doing!

7.  hanging chairs.  incredibly comfortable, but wierd

8.  my mum.  crazieer than my auntie sometimes

9.  toads that, when licked become a drug.  trust me, they created the phrase''have you been licking toads??''

10.  the sport of rowing. seriously, the most unnatractive sport ever, after boxing.  you get soggy, and wear very straigne facial expressions whilst causing yourslef physical pain, and redness.  its not a good look.


''no handjive is better than slow handjive!!''

wow, had the longest day in the history of the world ever esterday (okay, not as long as the guy that stayed awake for 11 days solid, but hey)

so... gymnastics.  dad told me to 'excell myself''.  so i did.  amamazing what one saturday at gymnastics can do for you!  have changed my handstand on the beam, for a balance i can actually do.  then did 2 sumersaults off the end on my ownlyness =D  everyone clapped :P

also did some spectacular vaults, and did my floor routine to MUSIC for the first time in a year and a bit! woo!!  evryone had forgotten what it was, and none of the younger kids had seen/heard my routine/music, so EVERYONE was waching ;)  its how i like it.

and i did a linked bar routine, 1st one in, hmm, a year and ahalf?

then i went straight to dancing (ok, we had a slight detour to my house...)

so anyway, go tther ehtinking i was proper late(!!!!!) but turns out i was fine, and had a pointey lesosn, then a festival rehearsel, and we have decided that im not gonna do june fest, coz im not there like at all :/

so then we went home, and i had awash then jumped in the car with my lavely prom dress, and got whisked off to leeds, where we drove round for like ages looking for somewhere to eat, and then we turned tound and just went to our hotel, then we got back in the car and drove some more and finaly ate.  then went BACK to the hotel, got changed and partied.

saw mel (whos party it was, she is 40 now)
danced avec ma mere to lots of 80's tunes!!! rock n!
dad bought me a corona, even tho i asked for a lemonade...

then mum tried to pour the lemonade (which dad bought me aswell as the beer) into the corona :/

then we went back to our rooms, and i didnt sleep till like 2, coz i was reading pd, then i was just sooo tired, i couldnt even focus on the words!!  they kept blurring, and i kept seeing double, which is a sure sign you must sleep, but i didnt want to, coz i had like 2 pages left!!

so i just fell asleep. and i had the double bed to my sleffff :)  was VAIR comffyyy  and big, and snuggly, and warm, and cozy, and did i mention comfortable ?

then in the morning, we went to breakky , and the rice crispies were nice, but the cooked was rank.

for example,, scrambled eggs.  yellow, and practicaly insubstantial, like say, if you were going to try and cut them, the would just break up and go everywhere. right??

well the scrambled (if you can call it that) eggs there, were pretty solid. i pronged mine with a fork, and the entirety of my eggs picked up.  mum had a big blob, and cut them, and there was a proper cut, like if you sliced cheese or something!

i didnt even try my sausage, it looked mingy, and mum said hers was yuck with a double yuck too.

then we jumped in the car, and drove off to sheffs, where davey cakes lives.  his flat was disgustinngggggg!!

then mak called, and asked if i wanted to go round, and i wa slike, im in sheffs, sorry.

got hom, and went on fb, turns out its his birthday! oops. i felt totaly bad i couldnt go, i was way tired though :/

fiona's list of films she has to see, coz a) she hasnt seen it in a while or b) she hasnt seen it at all or c) has only seen a bit of it.

1. dirty dancing.  mia thermopolis, totaly loves it, also, it has watermelons, which is a bonus.

2. singing in the rain.  totaly ace film, played moses supposes on radio 2 :P

3. rocky horror.  talking about it at dancing. great music, would have been used for the babies dance, except that the show is about transvestites and all....

4.  the lake house.  my mums all time fave film ever.  must watch

5. harry potter 4 (ok, this one i have seen recently)  but it has rpatts, so how can i resist?

6. the boat that rocked.  see no.5 - rpattz,+ an rpattz a like, also awesome soundtrack.

7.  shrek 3.  not seen it yet.

8. we will rock you.  not a film, but is mega. am going to see it!!!!

9.  pans labyrinth.  lola loves this film way to much.  want to see what all the fuss is about

10.  princess diaries 1 & 2.  also seen recently, but soo damm mega.

11. a knights tale.  heath ledger.  nuff said

12.  10 things i hate about you.  see above ;)

13.  shanghai knights/ noon.  plain awesome :P

''look at me, i am old, but i am happy...''


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